The Hardest Thing

READ BEFORE STARTING: Prowl and Bee are humanized. This story has nothing to do with the main plot of TFA at all. It was just an idea that came up in my head one day… THIS IS A SLASH FIC (boyxboy)! DON'T LIKE DON'T READ! It is a little angsty so it may be kind of sad… Ok that's all! Enjoy! :)

The rain beat down on Detroit like a hailstorm. For the past week, the sky was always gray and the rain was never ending. I walked in the rain, umbrella in hand; towards the place that I was supposed to meet the person I had once loved. He had called me earlier that week and said he wanted to see me. I was very reluctant at first but as he called me more and more I was forced to agree. I neared the run down burger shop and saw a lone figure in the rain. His bright yellow hair with black stripes going down the sides stood out in the grayness that covered Detroit. He wore a bright yellow jacket and held onto an umbrella that was unopened. I walked up to him and he gave me a bright smile. He greeted me with a cheerful "hello" and I just slightly nodded. He stepped out from the doorway he was under and shivered from the cold air that struck him. I scanned him a little and saw that his jacket wasn't heavy enough for this cold weather. I knew he had done that on purpose. He looked very weak in this heavy rain but I forced myself to ignore him.

"You shouldn't come here anymore. Can't you understand I don't want to see you?"

He looked up at me with those bright blue eyes and said softly, "I know. But I miss you."

I took him briskly by the shoulder and told him coldly, "You have to go home. I'll take you to the train station."  

He didn't look up at me as I led him along the sidewalk. He hadn't opened up his umbrella even though the rain was soaking through his thin jacket. I could feel him shivering. I grabbed the umbrella from his hand and forced it open. The umbrella had a little keychain on the bottom that held a picture of them together. I had my arms wrapped around his waist and he was holding up two peace signs. The picture tore through my memories and I shoved the umbrella in his hand. He looked up at me willingly but I ignored his stare. I opened up my own umbrella and walked about three full steps in front of him.

He walked along, sometimes glancing up at me to see if he would change his mind. I could hear the little pitter patter of his feet, splashing in puddles that were made from the downpours of the rain. The silence held in the air with only the sounds of the cars and buses rushing past us.

"Prowl…" he said in a very timid voice. I walked a little slower but not enough for him to be by me and responded with a little too harsh, "What?"

I could see from the corner of my eye that he flinched and was a little taken aback by the tone of my voice. I didn't want to do this to him but it was the only way to get him from seeing me again. He spoke again.

"I'm kind of hungry… I didn't eat all day today… Do you think we could stop by someplace to eat?"

He was stalling for time. I knew he wanted to spend more time with me but the pull in my heart held me back. "No!" I sort of yelled back at him. I heard him whisper, "Ok," with a little sniff to follow. It broke my heart that I had to do this to him but, in the end, it would be best for both of them.  

The train station was crowded with businessmen or women all wanting to get home after a long day of work, not caring about who passed by. We waited and waited for one train to be empty. He looked at me from time to time but I just looked straight ahead, not wanting to see those longing eyes. With those soft eyes staring at me, I wanted to give into my desires and let him stay the night.

But reality struck me again and I turned around and said coldly, "Let's find another train station."

Back in college, we all lived in the same apartment building. There were five of us: Bumblebee, Optimus, Bulkhead, Ratchet, and me. We were all of different ages but we got along fairly well. We would always eat dinner, watch movies, and sometimes go camping. I loved nature and camping was always my favorite hobby. We were more of like a family, but I didn't know I would end up falling in love with the youngest of all of us, Bumblebee.

Bumblebee started to live with us in his first year of college and he was about two years behind me. He would play tricks on me at the best and worst times and call me the worst names. During our camping trips, we would lay under the stars and share stories about our different lives. It was the best of times.
It was during the last years of college, having lived together for two years, that we developed strong feelings for each other. I stayed in Detroit for graduate school and waited until he finished college. There were times when he had to leave to go visit our relatives but we would stay in touch through letters. I had kept all those letters that he sent me. After our break up, I burned them all, erasing the precious memories that we shared together.  

We walked along the side of the road. The temperature was dropping and I could see that he was almost frozen. He was walking in front of me and I was about a foot behind him. His umbrella had two holes and a broken spoke. There were many times where he wasn't paying attention and walked onto the side of the road where he almost got hit by cars. I just wanted to take him into my arms, hold him again and tell him that I loved him. But I did nothing. I was cruel.

On the way, we passed a park we used to go to. He turned his head and looked back at me. I could see his face was slightly pale and his eyes were losing their bright blue color. He ran into the park and I reluctantly dashed after him. Many memories were made in this park; many that I wanted to forget.
I found him roaming around the park, looking at every tree bark. I knew he was looking for the tree that we wrote on when we were together. Every single time we came to this park, we wrote a date on there and something we did on that day in abbreviated words. One of the dates that I could remember was June 1st, 2009. It was the day that I had proposed to him. I could remember his face, gleaming with joy. We wrote on that day, "ProwlxBee engaged. Hope to remember this day forever. <3 you Prowl!" Bumblebee had written that. It was also the last entry we wrote on that tree before our relationship ended.

He came running back to me and I could see he had been crying. "Prowl! I can't find it! It's not there anymore!" He wiped the tears from his face and I felt so irritable on the inside. I felt a huge pang of pain in my heart. It was a pain I had never felt before. But all I could do was look down and pretend that I didn't care.

"Can we go now?" I said forcefully. I opened up my umbrella and stood up from the bench. I was about six inches taller than him when I stood at my full height. I could tell he didn't want to leave yet, hoping there was still a chance that he might find the tree. I started to walk but heard him say, "I know you lied about cheating on me, Prowl, but I don't care! Can we start over? Please?"

That pain came again. I didn't say anything. I walked again and shook my head. After that we just walked towards the train station and didn't say a word to each other.

About three months after I proposed to him, the doctor said that I was diagnosed with leukemia. He said it was nothing to worry about since it was still early and they could still cure it. Thinking that it was okay, I ignored his request. I didn't think about having leukemia at all and forgot to go to my monthly checkups. Until about two months ago, I had dizziness and pain in my stomach that did not go away for two weeks. The thought of leukemia struck me. I thought the pain would go away but the pain worsened as the month went by. I went back to the doctor and he did a final check up on me. The results killed me. It was already too late for treatment for the abnormal white blood cells had spread all over my body. There was no way they could stop the production of the white blood cells for it was proliferating at too fast a rate. My days were numbered he said. I had about a month left to live. All the happiness inside of me faded into sadness. I couldn't tell Bumblebee the truth. I didn't want him to go through as much pain as I did when I heard what the doctor had said to me.

"He's still young," I thought over and over again. "He shouldn't have to know…"

I decided to make up a lie. It was a cruel thing to do and I broke his heart, but it was the fastest way to wipe out the memories of us being together. He had taken it harsh and went into a state of depression. It killed me to do this to him but I didn't have much time left. The symptoms of leukemia would start to show and he would find out eventually. Soon this would all come to an end. With every step, I could feel my life slowly fading away.

The train had stopped running so I decided to call a taxi for him. We waited on the road for a taxi to stop and pick him up. The minutes ticked by; the last minutes that I would be with him.

I saw a taxi from far away and stepped on the curb to wave it down. I looked at him for the final time and said, "Take care of yourself. And please… forget." I wanted to hug him, kiss him and hold him for the final time of my life. My cruel outer self held it all back.

He didn't talk. He just nodded lightly and closed his broken umbrella as he stepped into the taxi. I closed the door for him and it shut the gate that blocked him out of my life forever. I stood by the car, looking in the tinted windows, at the first and last love that was about to drive out of my life. The taxi started and roared down the street. I couldn't hold in the pain any longer and dropped the umbrella I was holding. I ran at full speed down the sidewalk, waving my hands over my head, because I knew this would be the last time that I would see him. I yelled out that I loved him, that I wanted to stay with him and be with him for all eternity, but the taxi was already gone. I dropped to my knees and screamed out into the night. The tears fell down my face, blending in with the raindrops. I was not cold because of the rain. I was cold because of the pain inside my heart.



He left without me without ever telling me the real truth. I had known all along. I saw the doctor's report that said he was diagnosed with leukemia. I wanted to talk about it with him but I decided to wait until he told me in person. I waited for three whole months but he never once brought it up. I thought that he was okay and brushed it off. Then he told me the unforgiving lie. He said he was cheating on me with another guy and that he didn't love me anymore. I knew it was all an excuse to leave me so I didn't have to see him die. He left me alone with a lie that would never be forgotten.

I decided that it would be best to see him for the last time since he didn't have much longer to live. I knew leukemia was a deadly disease and it worked fast to kill. I called him many times, hoping that he would give in to see me one last time. He did and it was the first joy that I had felt in days. I wanted to make these last moments count, since it would be my last, too.

I saw him running after the taxi and the tears that ran down his face. I saw him stand there in the rain screaming out the words that I wanted to hear him say one last time. I finally found the tree that I was looking for when I came to the park with him. All of the dates were still there and I ran my fingers along the engravings. I carve these last words for you, Prowl. Our last memories together in this cruel world. Now we'll live together, for all eternity.



June 1st, 2010. The essential sadness is to go through life without loving. But it would be almost equally sad to leave this world without ever telling those you loved that you love them. I love you, Prowl. ~ BB